I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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