To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
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Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
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Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Why did my mother make you get naked?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize