Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
