You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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