Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
