if i can run in heels then i can drive
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
