i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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