ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Randomize
