I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Randomize
