Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
