8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
