he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
