Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
