can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Come share oat with me in your robe
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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