filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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