please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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