told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize