u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Randomize
