It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Randomize
