i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They have beer where we have blood.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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