you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
