I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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