It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
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