just tell him i said nine months
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I looked at my own cervix.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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