And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
