our cab driver is having phone sex.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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