you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
