so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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