a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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