I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
