I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
