he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
