So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
