I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize