at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize