Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
