Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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