Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
