So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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