I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I'm passing your future prison.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
