That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
