feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
