wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
