whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
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