You're completely useless in the revolution.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
