I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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