i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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