These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
