I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize