like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
