and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
