We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
