just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
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