went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
