I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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