He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
