Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
