So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
