And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize
