What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
