whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
