Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
operation have a gay friend backfired
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
