It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I want a musical about memes.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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