We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is an equal opportunity slut.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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