the new term for farting is butt boxing.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I love having hate sex.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
