guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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