if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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