Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
