"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
That accounts for only three of the penises
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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