Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
