Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
