Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
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woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
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Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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