I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
