$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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